We Press On

It's Friday again.

 God is faithful. I know He always is, because He cannot deny Himself, but I like to remind myself.
It helps me to remember all the positive things that have happened and by how much they outweigh the negative things.

As I was falling asleep last night, I thought of several things I wanted to write about, but of course now that I can write, I forgot them all.

As we girls made a circle in the room for evening worship yesterday, I asked them to share something that God taught them during the past week of canvassing.

One learned how to not complain about the people that are unreceptive to the truth.
Another learned about pushing through the fear of businesses.
One girl learned about how success cannot be measured by feelings or circumstances.
And so on.... Each shared a valuable lesson God taught them this week.

And then it was my turn. Everyone looked at me as Rebekah asked, "What about you, Raquel?"

What can I say? I questioned if I learned anything simply because I didn't know how to put my experience into words.

I learned that I am capable of handling a lot more responsibility than I thought I could.

Cheerfulness is a choice, not a feeling.

God can use me the most when I feel the most helpless and incapable.

Patience is something I'm a little short on, naturally, but I'm getting more of it each day.

Canvassers want to please their leader, so if I work with them and try to help them excel, they will work hard. ( it always amazes me how they each are so positive, though they are getting rejected an mistreated routinely)

I can't let my feelings get hurt when random people honk at me.

The biggest lesson I have learned this week, though, is a painful one.
The truth is, when I'm given a challenge, I size it up, to see it I can take it in my own strength.
If I don't think I can do it, I get lost thinking about how terrible the situation is and how helpless I am.
Eventually, if I express those feelings enough, I'll get mad at myself and take the challenge just to spite myself.

Or, if I think I can take the challenge, I get so distracted just trying to make sure I'm successful that I don't think about anything else.

Applied to canvassing:


God asks me to work with Him.

I look at the job and think, "This is totally impossible. I can't believe He thought I was capable of doing this." (Forgetting, of course, that He only asked me to partner with Him, not to do the whole job by myself)

Then, I am depressed because I think that God is unfair and does not really care about me.

After a while, I remember that He promised to help me, so I grudgingly agree to work with Him, hoping that I'm not making the wrong decision.

We start work, He graciously ignoring my unwillingness, and as He helps me, I start to feel more confident. I forget again that we are supposed to be partners ( with Him doing most of the work, Himself), and I start working hard, pushing myself to perform, all the while ignoring the One Who enables me to perform.

I get so busy doing God's work that I don't take time to spend with H.
I push hard, trying to just endure the job until it's done, not bothering to seek His strength.

I strive, in my own strength.

And then I freak out when God lets me realize just how weak I really am and how much I need Him.

I don't like to need help. I don't necessarily want to do it by myself, but I sure don't want to feel dependent on anyone.
It's pride, that's all. I'm too proud.

But I know that He is able to subdue all things to Himself; even my pride.
He is able to complete the good work He started in me.
He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him.
He will take my heart of stone and give me a new, soft one instead.

I must look to Jesus, for I need Him more than anything else.

I press on, in the relentless search for true life in Christ.