Beautiful

My son, builder of a family, don't be oblivious to my law. Your heart must actively guard my commands. By doing this, you will add peace to your days and length to your life.   Do whatever it takes to keep kindness and faithfulness from leaving you; tie them around your neck, and even engrave them on the permanent record in your heart. If you do this, both the human and supernatural will see intelligence and success appear and graciously bend to meet you. Put your confidence in the self-existent One. Don't try to support yourself on your knowledge and the meaning you've made from it. In the mental roads you travel, seek to know God, and He will straighten out your crooked and well-traveled neural pathways. In your eyes you are so very intelligent, but you must forget that and bow in reverence to God. His instruction is that you turn away from the evil in your life. Doing this will cure your health and make you stronger. Heap up your riches on God. Show ...

I must admit, I've always been enchanted with the idea of being lost.  Not lost, so I don't know where I am.  I mean, lost, so no one else knows where I am Except the ones who know who I am. 

Joy Is a release, a letting go of fear. It's the surge of a galloping horse beneath you, leaving the past behind Your body almost floating above, as the wind blurs your sight. It's the calm stilness of winter, knowing life is regenerating. It's the sob of relief as you realize God was there the whole time you felt alone. Joy is power, for it is knowledge that everything is all right in the world - even if it's just for a moment. Yes, joy is power, for it extends its reach into the dark unknown and lights a candle. Joy grounds you in the moment, opens your heart to others, to health, to life. Joy is God's gift to you. Are you going to accept it, or are your fears more satisfying?

-Love unconditionally- My heart, speaking with itself, "Only God can. I don't have the strength to love unconditionally, to fight the shame. Shame is a lead blanket. It's a thick sheet of clouds, blocking the sun. It's the smell of a decaying soul. The sound of falling into a bottomless pit. The taste of hot metal, before you hit bottom. I know shame. But I didn't realize it until now. It's what keeps me from looking myself in the eye. What keeps me running, dodging, defending, barricading. Deep down , shame says, deep down, you're actually poison . If others get too close, You'll kill them with your neediness, manipulation, and ruthless selfishness.  Shame is a hypocritical, two-faced guard. It professes to protect you from harm, all the while slowly cutting off your air supply. I'm tired of this lie. I'm tired of lies. When someone coaxes you to trust, says they love you, and them shoves you to the ground and saunters awa...

Jesus, cuddle me. When my heart is frightened. When my mind is overwhelmed. When my soul is trembling from holding up the deadweight of loss. Jesus, hold me. When my body is weak. When my smile is fake. When my head is heavy from the load of tears and shame. Jesus, hold me. Don't let go. 

I miss you, someone I never knew. You knew me, though. You knew I was more than a face, a body, a talent. You could see through it all and      all           the                 way                         down in the bottom of me, it was my heart you loved. So simple. No flashy attempts to impress. No anxious tries to win my favor. You saw me and you loved with all the power of someone who knows what it's like to miss someone you never knew.

Looking for love? I was too. I thought I found it. The words - they were right. He adored me. Respected me. The actions - they were different. He tore me apart with love. And now I am here, still. Torn, but healing. Scarred, but stronger. Oh darling, don't look for love. Pray it never finds you.

I'm not sure why the inspiration to write often comes when I should be asleep, but when it hits, I usually give in to it and write.  These moments of clarity aren't dependable, so I try to take advantage of them. Unfortunately, my spark of inspiration has been flickering low recently, almost extinguished in a deluge of confusion, painful realizations and sudden losses. But as this post's title suggests, I am still here and incidentally, stronger than ever. The tree grows strongest on the side the wind blows the hardest. So thank you, life. Thank you, wind. You tried to uproot me, but instead my roots grew deeper into the ground of Truth and sucked up the nourishing love of God. I may start another blog to tell the story. It almost seems necessary, since the girl I was when I wrote most of these posts on this blog has morphed into an entirely new creature. The butterfly finally emerged, once God removed everything that would have eased its necessary fight to break fre...

Looking across the Ohio River with Kentucky on the left side The railroad tracks that separate one part of the city from the rest Student artwork Our classroom during standardized testing A bulletin board with student artwork during a Science unit on Space One wall of our old classroom Graeter's, Skyline Chili, the Purple People Bridge, United Dairy Farmers...all of these keywords have been linked in my mind to the "City of Seven Hills", otherwise known as Cincinnati. It's going on five months since I moved here and started teaching, and has it ever been an interesting experience! For one thing, I'm happy to have gotten to know a city all by myself, outside of any friends' or family members' opinions about it. No one else I know well has ever lived here, so the city was mine to discover. As far as cities go, Cincinnati has been pleasant. The people are friendly, there is an old-world charm to parts of the city, lots of racia...