Courage
Fifth grade is over, and I'm walking back up the hill to my hut. Zinmaroo comes down the hill on the way to her next class, and we silently clasp hands in passing. She says she likes teaching, but I haven't been able to tell.
If she doesn't enjoy it, I can sympathize with her.
I'm so glad that I came here for a short while before I graduate. I only wish I had been able to come before I got so far along in my education major. Doing mission work is totally what some people need do to to be able to know what they would or would not like doing for the rest of their lives.
I hesitate to say this, because it could be that I am speaking out-of-turn. Maybe I'm just discouraged with my circumstances. Maybe if I stuck with this long enough, I would really start to like it. Maybe I haven't given it enough time. Maybe I'm just homesick (strangely enough), or miss the people back home too much.
Don't get me wrong; I love it here in Thailand. I have been learning and growing a lot. I'm hardly afraid of anything anymore (except for big bugs), and I am more aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I'm going to finish my time here and give teaching my best shot, but I don't think I want to be a teacher for the rest of my life.
If there's anything in life that I really dislike it's these things:
- Being ignored
- Trying to get someone to listen to me
- Being interrupted while I'm trying to get a point across
- Speaking loudly
And these are things that I face every school day, during class.
I'm half-way a merciful, kind person, and half-way a strict, commander of justice, but I haven't figured out how to get those two to work together. Either I'm too chill or too intense. I don't know how to keep the kids in line without them shutting down and ignoring me. How do you teach over eighty moody early-teens your language when you can't speak theirs?
Going to class has become more like going to battle, and I shrink at the thought. Are these kids learning anything from me, or am I just wasting my breath?
Can I give up and go home now?
Naa. That would be a mistake. The first two months were just prep work. Now is where the real growing and learning takes place. If I give up now, I miss out on the real joy of conquering a challenge.
It's like a butterfly breaking out of a chrysalis. I've got to do this on my own, or else I'll always be weak.
As Mr. Mendez says in the short film The Butterfly Circus,
If she doesn't enjoy it, I can sympathize with her.
I'm so glad that I came here for a short while before I graduate. I only wish I had been able to come before I got so far along in my education major. Doing mission work is totally what some people need do to to be able to know what they would or would not like doing for the rest of their lives.
I hesitate to say this, because it could be that I am speaking out-of-turn. Maybe I'm just discouraged with my circumstances. Maybe if I stuck with this long enough, I would really start to like it. Maybe I haven't given it enough time. Maybe I'm just homesick (strangely enough), or miss the people back home too much.
Don't get me wrong; I love it here in Thailand. I have been learning and growing a lot. I'm hardly afraid of anything anymore (except for big bugs), and I am more aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I'm going to finish my time here and give teaching my best shot, but I don't think I want to be a teacher for the rest of my life.
If there's anything in life that I really dislike it's these things:
- Being ignored
- Trying to get someone to listen to me
- Being interrupted while I'm trying to get a point across
- Speaking loudly
And these are things that I face every school day, during class.
I'm half-way a merciful, kind person, and half-way a strict, commander of justice, but I haven't figured out how to get those two to work together. Either I'm too chill or too intense. I don't know how to keep the kids in line without them shutting down and ignoring me. How do you teach over eighty moody early-teens your language when you can't speak theirs?
Going to class has become more like going to battle, and I shrink at the thought. Are these kids learning anything from me, or am I just wasting my breath?
Can I give up and go home now?
Naa. That would be a mistake. The first two months were just prep work. Now is where the real growing and learning takes place. If I give up now, I miss out on the real joy of conquering a challenge.
It's like a butterfly breaking out of a chrysalis. I've got to do this on my own, or else I'll always be weak.
As Mr. Mendez says in the short film The Butterfly Circus,
"The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph."
Also,
"Courage is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."
Winston Churchill
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