Conversation with God

-

 Here's a conversation I found in my files that I had written down a year or so ago. I had originally thought I was talking to myself, but now that I look at it, it seems more likely that it was God talking to me, so that's the only thing I changed.




Holy Spirit prompting me to ask: Who am I?

Self: I am a tall, thin, curly-haired, large-eyed, half exotic, half boring looking girl. I am left-handed, I am an ENTP personality, and I am the oldest of three children. I am half Puerto Rican and half Caucasian. I can –

Holy Spirit: Wait. Stop. I want to know who you are, not what you can do.

Self: Oh ok. So….I already told you all that information. What else? Well, I am a Christian by religion, and a Seventh-Day Adventist by denomination. I am 20 years old….

Holy Spirit: But that’s not who you are. Those are things about you; they can change. Who are you, outside of all these plastic details?
You can shrink, get fatter, lose your eyes, become right-handed, and change your personality. Your parents could adopt another child older than you, and you could find out that you are not really Puerto Rican at all… Who are you really?

Self: What? But how? How can I be something apart from those details about me?
What are you talking about? I don’t understand.

Holy Spirit: Think about it. This is something that you need to know for yourself.

Self: SO?! I am Raquel! That’s who I am.

Holy Spirit: Your name can change. Does that change who you are?

Self: Sort of. I don’t think I would be the same person if I had a different name.

Holy Spirit: You would be different, yes, but you would still be a person, an individual. Who are you?

Self: Stop it! I don’t want to think about this anymore. It’s too hard for me. I don’t understand what you’re asking, and I don’t think it’s important.

Holy Spirit: Your attention span needs some work… Raquel, in all honesty, you know that you’ve been asking this question subconsciously for many years. It has undermined your confidence and make you unstable; subsequently, you are ready to be anyone or do anything. You need to know who you are, so that your soul can have foundation, something solid to stand on while you take on the perplexities of life.

Self: You’re right…but… I don’t know who I am. I don’t know how to find out, either.

……  

Self: Wait, do You know who I am?

Holy Spirit: Ok, I’ll give you some hints.

You are a woman, created in the image of God, the Creator and Upholder of the universe-

Self:  -which means what?

Holy Spirit:  -Which means that your very personhood is a reflection of Who God is.

Self: Wow. But I mess up so many times! How can I be a reflection –

Holy Spirit: Wait, remember how I said that who you are is not what you can or cannot do. They are two separate things.

Self: Oh…why would God create me as a human, when He knows that I will –

Holy Spirit: Listen to me. I’m going to keep going. This is who you are, not what you can do.

You are God’s workmanship.

You are His child. 

You are a being created for a purpose.

....

Self: And what is that purpose?

Holy Spirit: Think about what I’ve already told you. Internalize it. Let it sink into your soul. Accept the truth and let it wash away your fear and instability. Then come back and ask me more questions.






Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

From the Other Side of the Gap

-
 I don’t know you, but I saw the red-and-blue flashes. A bit of open street before a long line of traffic, emergency vehicles stopped at angles where they shouldn’t have been. A black car slammed nose-first into a cement pole, white airbags pushing outward against the windows. People in uniform stood in the gray dawn, directing traffic, their faces grim. I had just left home. I was on my way to work as the sun rose behind me, listening to my audiobook, thinking about my new job. And then, just past the black car, I saw the twisted, charcoal wreckage resting in the middle of a neighborhood entrance— both wheels still intact enough to recognize it as a vehicle. I noticed where two police cars were parked nose-to-bumper in the bike lane, and through the tiny gap between I saw what they were trying to shield: the lumpy yellow sheet spread on the sidewalk. And I knew. Maybe you had just left home too. Maybe you were on your way back after a long overnight shift. Like I said, I don’t kno...
Read more

Horror Short Story: A Letter to Isaiah

-
Image
     This is a short story I wrote for a horror workshop class in my English Master's program at UTC. It is based on my experience in my undergrad program at a cult-like Christian college near a tiny town in rural Arkansas. The horror elements include an unreliable narrator, an extremely restrictive atmosphere, confusion, untreated mental illness, spiritual gaslighting, religious abuse, sexual assault, and murder. When considering what to write about during the horror workshop, I decided to focus on my experience at Ouachita Hills College, because I really didn't have to change many details of my experience in order to write it as a horror story. As far as I know, no one has ever been murdered at the school, but due to the realism of other aspects of this story, it may be upsetting for some readers. If you went to OHC or have any unprocessed trauma about religious abuse, spiritual gaslighting or sexual assault, please take care of yourself. Depending on where you're ...
Read more