Blurb
If you didn't know what that word meant, and just looked it up, don't worry. I know this isn't technically a real blurb. That's just the only word that came to mind when I was trying to think of a title for my somewhat disorganized but delightfully realistic post.
( I confess, titling has always involved a stretch of my imagination)
It's been a while since I last wrote anything, not because there's nothing to write about, but because I haven't had (or taken the) time.
I've been busy writing, proctoring and grading tests, going to town, teaching violin like crazy, caring for a malaria-stricken person (who is all better now, though not because of me), and feeling sorry for myself, among the all other normal every-day stuff.
Tomorrow I'm going to a Karen wedding, to do music with the Stecks for the ceremony. I don't tend to enjoy weddings, because they are so emotional, but a Karen wedding will be a nice cultural experience.
And I get to hopefully help bless people. That makes it worth it.
I have about three weeks left in Thailand. I'm starting to think about the logistics of going home, and trying to prepare myself for culture shock again. I'm also beginning to treasure the everyday things that I have come to consider mundane. Going to chapel and hearing the kids sing with all their strength, singing songs in class, talking with students after class, hearing the gecko sing, swinging in a hammock, sleeping on the floor under a mosquito net...it's all become so second-nature. I partly want to live here where life is so simple, yet so rich. I don't want to return to a materialistic, self-absorbed, lackadaisical world where I will be swept into the stress of caring about things that don't really matter.
I know, the stress is a choice.
A few weeks ago I really wanted to come home. It seemed like time was standing still. I didn't know what to teach my students, and classroom management seemed an impossibility. I longed to be a student again, so I would only have to be responsible for myself.
I felt like I was a complete failure as a a teacher.
Then Haley and Hannah told me how I was coming across in the classroom, and that gave me a little hope, encouraged me to keep trying. I figured as long as I was outwardly accomplishing a good job, it didn't matter if I felt otherwise inside. I didn't come here to feel good about myself; I came here to teach English. So I kept going, and it got a little easier.
I started to notice how my third-graders ask me every day when I'm going back to America, and how they all wave goodbye to me and stand at the doorways watching me go to my next class.
They actually care about me...they are actually going to miss me. What have I done to deserve that?
I have no idea.
It's been such a short time, but I've come to love these kids. I'm going to miss them fiercely when I'm back in America. Especially Naw Chit Poe and Ku Ku Sel, the girls who glare at me when I wake them up in class, Saw Pah Neh Wah, who sits in the back and absentmindedly blows raspberries while drawing pictures, Saw Klo, who volunteers to erase the board for me (HE'S SO CUTE. You would just have to meet him), Jaw La Clay, who fails all his exams but tries so hard, and Paw Lar Say, who writes on her paper, "Teach I love you. God bless you Teach."
Saw La Myant, the light-haired kid who always declares in a big voice, "Teacha, I cannot write!" but does well on his papers.
Deeno, who complains with a big grin and a vigorous shaking of his head, "Teacha, very difficult!." but also does well,
Mu Jel Htoo, who reads out loud everything I write on the board and gives all the answers first.
Saw Ta Pet, who gets a little half-smile when I tell him he does a good job.
Ma Kay Phyo, who hides her face in her hands when I go to hand her her graded exam, "Teacha, very bad!" (she got 100%)
The violin students who sigh, "Teacha, you come back to Thailand next year? You go, no one teach violin...I very sad."
I sad too.
A few weeks ago, time went so slowly, but now it's going so fast.
I know three weeks will be gone in the blink of an eye, and I'll be on a plane, exhausted from saying goodbye, flying across the world again.
But really, time has been going at the same constant rate, this whole time. What makes it seem slower or faster?
It's a phenomenon that I've puzzled over for a while now, but I think contentment has a lot to do with it. If you are discontent, time is a burden, for it seems to trap you in the circumstances that "make" you feel discontent.
If you are happy and busy, time goes by rather quickly.
I suppose that's why eternity with Jesus won't seem like -
OOOO....brain freeze. Sorry... every time I start thinking about living forever, I get freaked out. It's a concept I absolutely cannot even begin wrap my mind around, and that scares me.
Honestly, I have wondered if it wouldn't be better to just live for a really long time and then die. That way, there would be sort of a "point" to being alive... but I realize that I'm probably just caught in the mental cage of Earth's experience, the only place that has ever known death.
Anyway, I'm just chattering, I guess, to let you all know I'm still alive over here.
There was supposed to be a profound point to this post, but I didn't really put much effort into making it clear.
(wasn't trying to make that rhyme, but so be it.)
I have been thinking rather profound thoughts, and learning a lot more about God, about myself (ugh), and about life. However, those thoughts are still raw material in my mind; I'm not quite sure how to process and package them for export.
Maybe my next post will be better composed : )
( I confess, titling has always involved a stretch of my imagination)
It's been a while since I last wrote anything, not because there's nothing to write about, but because I haven't had (or taken the) time.
I've been busy writing, proctoring and grading tests, going to town, teaching violin like crazy, caring for a malaria-stricken person (who is all better now, though not because of me), and feeling sorry for myself, among the all other normal every-day stuff.
Tomorrow I'm going to a Karen wedding, to do music with the Stecks for the ceremony. I don't tend to enjoy weddings, because they are so emotional, but a Karen wedding will be a nice cultural experience.
And I get to hopefully help bless people. That makes it worth it.
I have about three weeks left in Thailand. I'm starting to think about the logistics of going home, and trying to prepare myself for culture shock again. I'm also beginning to treasure the everyday things that I have come to consider mundane. Going to chapel and hearing the kids sing with all their strength, singing songs in class, talking with students after class, hearing the gecko sing, swinging in a hammock, sleeping on the floor under a mosquito net...it's all become so second-nature. I partly want to live here where life is so simple, yet so rich. I don't want to return to a materialistic, self-absorbed, lackadaisical world where I will be swept into the stress of caring about things that don't really matter.
I know, the stress is a choice.
A few weeks ago I really wanted to come home. It seemed like time was standing still. I didn't know what to teach my students, and classroom management seemed an impossibility. I longed to be a student again, so I would only have to be responsible for myself.
I felt like I was a complete failure as a a teacher.
Then Haley and Hannah told me how I was coming across in the classroom, and that gave me a little hope, encouraged me to keep trying. I figured as long as I was outwardly accomplishing a good job, it didn't matter if I felt otherwise inside. I didn't come here to feel good about myself; I came here to teach English. So I kept going, and it got a little easier.
I started to notice how my third-graders ask me every day when I'm going back to America, and how they all wave goodbye to me and stand at the doorways watching me go to my next class.
They actually care about me...they are actually going to miss me. What have I done to deserve that?
I have no idea.
It's been such a short time, but I've come to love these kids. I'm going to miss them fiercely when I'm back in America. Especially Naw Chit Poe and Ku Ku Sel, the girls who glare at me when I wake them up in class, Saw Pah Neh Wah, who sits in the back and absentmindedly blows raspberries while drawing pictures, Saw Klo, who volunteers to erase the board for me (HE'S SO CUTE. You would just have to meet him), Jaw La Clay, who fails all his exams but tries so hard, and Paw Lar Say, who writes on her paper, "Teach I love you. God bless you Teach."
Saw La Myant, the light-haired kid who always declares in a big voice, "Teacha, I cannot write!" but does well on his papers.
Deeno, who complains with a big grin and a vigorous shaking of his head, "Teacha, very difficult!." but also does well,
Mu Jel Htoo, who reads out loud everything I write on the board and gives all the answers first.
Saw Ta Pet, who gets a little half-smile when I tell him he does a good job.
Ma Kay Phyo, who hides her face in her hands when I go to hand her her graded exam, "Teacha, very bad!" (she got 100%)
The violin students who sigh, "Teacha, you come back to Thailand next year? You go, no one teach violin...I very sad."
I sad too.
A few weeks ago, time went so slowly, but now it's going so fast.
I know three weeks will be gone in the blink of an eye, and I'll be on a plane, exhausted from saying goodbye, flying across the world again.
But really, time has been going at the same constant rate, this whole time. What makes it seem slower or faster?
It's a phenomenon that I've puzzled over for a while now, but I think contentment has a lot to do with it. If you are discontent, time is a burden, for it seems to trap you in the circumstances that "make" you feel discontent.
If you are happy and busy, time goes by rather quickly.
I suppose that's why eternity with Jesus won't seem like -
OOOO....brain freeze. Sorry... every time I start thinking about living forever, I get freaked out. It's a concept I absolutely cannot even begin wrap my mind around, and that scares me.
Honestly, I have wondered if it wouldn't be better to just live for a really long time and then die. That way, there would be sort of a "point" to being alive... but I realize that I'm probably just caught in the mental cage of Earth's experience, the only place that has ever known death.
Anyway, I'm just chattering, I guess, to let you all know I'm still alive over here.
There was supposed to be a profound point to this post, but I didn't really put much effort into making it clear.
(wasn't trying to make that rhyme, but so be it.)
I have been thinking rather profound thoughts, and learning a lot more about God, about myself (ugh), and about life. However, those thoughts are still raw material in my mind; I'm not quite sure how to process and package them for export.
Maybe my next post will be better composed : )
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