Seeking Joy

It is a positive duty to resist melancholy, discontented thoughts and feelings--as much a duty as it is to pray. If we are heaven-bound, how can we go as a band of mourners, groaning and complaining all along the way to our Father's house? 

{The Ministry of Healing, pg. 251.1}

Over Christmas break, I was talking with my aunt, and after telling her about some of the perplexities of my life. She listened quietly, nodded, and then grabbed my arm intently, "Raquel, listen to me. No matter happens to you in life, I want you to promise me that you will seek joy."

 
I glanced at her and dropped my eyes. Her request was difficult.  

I'm going to be honest; I've always had a hard time with joy. It's always seemed like an unreasonable state of ignorance and bliss, completely unattainable for one so undeserving as I. 

...

 

I guess that was a long and complicated way of saying that I never used to think that I could be happy. I didn't even think I was allowed to be happy. In fact, I was so sure that I couldn't be happy, that I decided I didn't want to be happy anyway. That way, I wouldn't feel so bad about missing out on something I couldn't have.

I'm not saying that I have never felt happy. I can't even describe to you the thrill of sitting in a 100 person orchestra, listening to everyone warming up; it gives me chills. I've experienced the ecstasy of quietly communing with God in the outdoors, of throwing my arms around a horse's neck and feeling him hug me back, of climbing to the top of a mountain and looking down at what I've conquered, of laughing with children, watching a sibling experience God, having a vibrant conversation with someone in which we agreed on everything...

I know what it's like to be happy, but in spurts. My experiences with joy are so intense that I don't want to express them, for fear that I will be acting too dramatic and getting too much attention. If I do express even a little, I feel guilty, as if I made a fool of myself, or got away with something. 

Coming from a mind of constant observation, introspection, analysis, and suppression, joy has seemed pretty irrational. Sure, I can be happy about doing things I really like, but only for short amounts of time. If I'm happy more than that, then I'm being stupid and not really using my head. 

Or so I've told myself.

I've always believed that I cannot experience real, lasting happiness that was more than just an intellectual choice to ignore the bad things happening to and around me. People who are always happy are probably just faking it, or they have no idea what's going on, or they have never really experienced life.

There is not enough in the world to be continually, unaffectedly happy about. 

This is true. However, there's a lot more than just the things happening on Earth to think about. 

There are things that can logically, rationally keep you joyful. 

Amazing...

The love which Christ diffuses through the whole being is a vitalizing power. Every vital part--the brain, the heart, the nerves--it touches with healing. By it the highest energies of the being are roused to activity. It frees the soul from the guilt and sorrow, the anxiety and care, that crush the life forces. With it come serenity and composure. It implants in the soul, joy that nothing earthly can destroy,--joy in the Holy Spirit,--health-giving, life-giving joy.  {ibid, pg. 115.3}

While words express thoughts, it is also true that thoughts follow words. If we would give more expression to our faith, rejoice more in the blessings that we know we have,--the great mercy and love of God,--we should have more faith and greater joy. No tongue can express, no finite mind can conceive, the blessing that results from appreciating the goodness and love of God. Even on earth we may have joy as a wellspring, never failing, because fed by the streams that flow from the throne of God.  {ibid, pg. 251.4}

Joy is possible. 

It's not a blind denial of reality; it's a focus on the true reality. 

Maybe the shortage of joyful people is what makes joy seem unacceptable or impossible.

I want to break that misconception.  

I want to follow my aunt's admonition and seek joy. 

I want to be so full of joy that even the general public will know that God exists and that a relationship with Him is the best thing ever. 

I seek to continually walk in the light of His presence.