Gender Integrity
A couple of years ago, a fellow student at OHC put a book in my mailbox. When I pulled the book out and saw the cover, I laughed out loud. It was titled something about how to be a manly man and the contents of the book were even more exciting. After I got over wondering why the book ended up in my box, I took it home and read all about how to skin a rabbit, mix a cocktail, sweet-talk the ladies, survive if lost in the forest, cook a semi-decent meal, and how to do regular and proper hygiene.
Yes, the book was a joke. The guy who loaned it to me was an outdoorsy, adventurous sort and, knowing I was a tomboy, thought I would want to know how to be a good man. I laughed at the book, but was honestly disgusted with the main philosophy behind it.
Disclaimer here: Growing up, I always wanted to be a boy because I was the firstborn and knew most dads wanted to have sons as firstborns. I also wanted to do fun things like rock climbing with my dad, so I made myself be as tough as possible. Now that I've grown, I don't want to be a guy, but I do want to be free to learn skills that are commonly known as "guy" things, like mechanics, computer programming, woodworking, and so on. I believe that women should not be shamed away from learning valuable life skills. I know competent women can be very intimidating to guys, but I've also heard that guys like having their girls work with them sometimes.
And if you stay single, than who's gonna take care of you?!
The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 sure wasn't sitting around in a pretty dress doing her hair all day and waiting for her husband to do all the work.
But I don't believe that women should do everything men do, or that they should fill the same roles. They can't, because they're not men. God created us differently for different roles.
So yes, I'm an adventurous, I-can-do-it-myself kind of girl, but I'm also dead-set against feminism.
So anyway, about the manly book. It seemed like the idea behind it was that men really are animals, and they just need to learn how to disguise it well in order to live civilly and get a beautiful women to tolerate them.
Now, I'm not a guy, so how would I know -but I venture to state that this is not what real manhood is about.
I know women have really taken over here, and stuff, but guys are letting them do it. Where are the real men that will just BE men instead of make excuses about how the women won't let them be gentlemen anymore?
This is something I've been thinking about for years now. I know a lot of people, but honestly, only a very few of them are people I can say are really living up to their gender roles.
That sounds harsh. I know a lot of guys who talk big, do muscly things, and swagger around, but they don't strike me as being particularly manly. I know girls who always look cute. They are beautiful; they are sexy; but they are not womanly.
What is real manhood and womanhood about? What makes a man a man and a woman a woman?
Proverbs 31 has a pretty good description of a godly woman. You can check it out if you're not familiar with it. We girls get a lot of training on how to act and how not to act.
But what about men? Sometimes I think that most guys just grew up on their own without any sort of training.
The man of the twenty-first century is confident, handsome, strong (too strong to show feelings), well-liked by women, and capable of fixing and doing anything. He provides for his household, but still goofs off (which is acceptable if it's in gaming or sports or other popular activities), and has to balance keeping his wife happy with doing what he really wants (which is most often self-pleasing).
He doesn't really bother with what isn't his business. He just lives to please himself. He's not really that courteous at all.
Now, I'm not saying all guys are like that. I've been harassed and disrespected by many "manly" guys, but there are exceptions of course.
Yet I even see this attitude among Christian guys.
Even guys at my school.
Sure, it might not be sports or games. Maybe it's reciting Hebrew, debating religious issues, or getting a sermon ready. Whatever it is, it keeps some guys from being courteous, willing, or helpful.
The other day, my friend Sarah and I were carrying some heavy bags of mulch up the sidewalk to the cafeteria. There was a big strong guy sitting on the grass studying up ahead, and another one walking nearby. They saw us walking past for a minute or so, but never said a word. Never offered to help or anything. Sarah and I are both can-do girls, so it wasn't that we really needed help...it was just that they never offered. Sadly, we weren't really surprised because they were Theology majors and we didn't expect much help from them. They were probably thinking about mission work, or studying Hebrew or something.
Later, when we went back to get more bags, a friendly guy came walking down the sidewalk and offered to help.
And thus he saved face for all men on campus. Sarah and I sighed in relief.
"There are gentlemen in the world, Sarah!" I exclaimed, embarrassing the poor guy. And so we praised him all the way to the cafeteria. Later that day, another guy randomly offered to help Sarah. Someone else graciously opened the door for us.
"Three gentlemen in a day, Sarah!" I cried, hardly believing it.
You see, it's not that I can't open the door or carry heavy things. I'm strong enough (mostly because I have the willpower of a mule). I can do it myself. I don't NEED a guy to help me.
I just don't feel much like a lady when I'm doing all the heavy stuff. Therefore, I don't really act like one. If guys want us to step back and be ladies, they can help us by taking initiative. Girls like to feel secure having a guy help. If they don't, its probably because they got burned by lazy guys.
Don't stand around watching when the girls are cleaning the kitchen up. Don't wait for other people to do the work. If they can start, so can you.
So, from the ladies, this is what a real man looks like:
- He is not self-centered and demonstrates that by sacrifice
- He is strong enough to show his emotions
- He doesn't wait to be asked to help
- He is not always seeking out girl's company, but he doesn't feel his manliness compromised by being around girls, or saying words like "cute" or "pink".
- He's able to give an honest compliment without it being a pick-up line
- He doesn't twice-over the girl he's talking to WHILE HE'S TALKING TO HER (I think this goes without saying. Huge turn off)
- He's confident, but not arrogant
- He can admit his fault and give a sincere apology
- He is not only willing, but also DOES the right thing at the right time
- He takes initiative
- He makes himself clear and doesn't play with women's emotions
- He respects women and cares for them with courtesy
- He respects "no" for an answer
- He makes his closest connection with God
- He has close guy friends that he doesn't forget when he has a girlfriend
- He does his best in everything, and always seeks to improve
- He is humble enough to admit when he doesn't know the answer but is also motivated enough to try to figure it out
- He is perfectly capable of washing and ironing his own clothes, and can cook well enough to stay healthy on his own
- He doesn't dress to please others, but to preserve his own dignity (including common sense) and glorify God. Women should do this too.
- He's doesn't act desperate for a girlfriend
- He's kind to children, disabled people, older people and animals
- He doesn't mindlessly destroy things
- He takes care of his belongings (which, in a way, includes his family)
There's a lot more I could say, but I think most of it would be common sense and would apply to humanity in general. A lot of those things I mentioned could be turned around and applied to girls, also.
The bottom line for me is this: Let's take our own gender into our hands and live up to all that we were created to be. This is part of real religion. Both men and women were created in the image of God, so we can both look to Him for our Example.
When guys act like real men, girls will respect them. When girls respect guys, they'll act more like men and treat the girls like ladies. It's a cycle; everyone has a part to play. Let's take the initiative to be who we were created to be and stop wandering around in the feminist, uni-sex, "tolerant" crowd.
This is part of Christianity. Stand up and be a man; be a woman. The world needs you to show Christ with your gender.
Yes, the book was a joke. The guy who loaned it to me was an outdoorsy, adventurous sort and, knowing I was a tomboy, thought I would want to know how to be a good man. I laughed at the book, but was honestly disgusted with the main philosophy behind it.
Disclaimer here: Growing up, I always wanted to be a boy because I was the firstborn and knew most dads wanted to have sons as firstborns. I also wanted to do fun things like rock climbing with my dad, so I made myself be as tough as possible. Now that I've grown, I don't want to be a guy, but I do want to be free to learn skills that are commonly known as "guy" things, like mechanics, computer programming, woodworking, and so on. I believe that women should not be shamed away from learning valuable life skills. I know competent women can be very intimidating to guys, but I've also heard that guys like having their girls work with them sometimes.
And if you stay single, than who's gonna take care of you?!
The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 sure wasn't sitting around in a pretty dress doing her hair all day and waiting for her husband to do all the work.
But I don't believe that women should do everything men do, or that they should fill the same roles. They can't, because they're not men. God created us differently for different roles.
So yes, I'm an adventurous, I-can-do-it-myself kind of girl, but I'm also dead-set against feminism.
So anyway, about the manly book. It seemed like the idea behind it was that men really are animals, and they just need to learn how to disguise it well in order to live civilly and get a beautiful women to tolerate them.
Now, I'm not a guy, so how would I know -but I venture to state that this is not what real manhood is about.
I know women have really taken over here, and stuff, but guys are letting them do it. Where are the real men that will just BE men instead of make excuses about how the women won't let them be gentlemen anymore?
This is something I've been thinking about for years now. I know a lot of people, but honestly, only a very few of them are people I can say are really living up to their gender roles.
That sounds harsh. I know a lot of guys who talk big, do muscly things, and swagger around, but they don't strike me as being particularly manly. I know girls who always look cute. They are beautiful; they are sexy; but they are not womanly.
What is real manhood and womanhood about? What makes a man a man and a woman a woman?
Proverbs 31 has a pretty good description of a godly woman. You can check it out if you're not familiar with it. We girls get a lot of training on how to act and how not to act.
But what about men? Sometimes I think that most guys just grew up on their own without any sort of training.
The man of the twenty-first century is confident, handsome, strong (too strong to show feelings), well-liked by women, and capable of fixing and doing anything. He provides for his household, but still goofs off (which is acceptable if it's in gaming or sports or other popular activities), and has to balance keeping his wife happy with doing what he really wants (which is most often self-pleasing).
He doesn't really bother with what isn't his business. He just lives to please himself. He's not really that courteous at all.
Now, I'm not saying all guys are like that. I've been harassed and disrespected by many "manly" guys, but there are exceptions of course.
Yet I even see this attitude among Christian guys.
Even guys at my school.
Sure, it might not be sports or games. Maybe it's reciting Hebrew, debating religious issues, or getting a sermon ready. Whatever it is, it keeps some guys from being courteous, willing, or helpful.
The other day, my friend Sarah and I were carrying some heavy bags of mulch up the sidewalk to the cafeteria. There was a big strong guy sitting on the grass studying up ahead, and another one walking nearby. They saw us walking past for a minute or so, but never said a word. Never offered to help or anything. Sarah and I are both can-do girls, so it wasn't that we really needed help...it was just that they never offered. Sadly, we weren't really surprised because they were Theology majors and we didn't expect much help from them. They were probably thinking about mission work, or studying Hebrew or something.
Later, when we went back to get more bags, a friendly guy came walking down the sidewalk and offered to help.
And thus he saved face for all men on campus. Sarah and I sighed in relief.
"There are gentlemen in the world, Sarah!" I exclaimed, embarrassing the poor guy. And so we praised him all the way to the cafeteria. Later that day, another guy randomly offered to help Sarah. Someone else graciously opened the door for us.
"Three gentlemen in a day, Sarah!" I cried, hardly believing it.
You see, it's not that I can't open the door or carry heavy things. I'm strong enough (mostly because I have the willpower of a mule). I can do it myself. I don't NEED a guy to help me.
I just don't feel much like a lady when I'm doing all the heavy stuff. Therefore, I don't really act like one. If guys want us to step back and be ladies, they can help us by taking initiative. Girls like to feel secure having a guy help. If they don't, its probably because they got burned by lazy guys.
Don't stand around watching when the girls are cleaning the kitchen up. Don't wait for other people to do the work. If they can start, so can you.
So, from the ladies, this is what a real man looks like:
- He is not self-centered and demonstrates that by sacrifice
- He is strong enough to show his emotions
- He doesn't wait to be asked to help
- He is not always seeking out girl's company, but he doesn't feel his manliness compromised by being around girls, or saying words like "cute" or "pink".
- He's able to give an honest compliment without it being a pick-up line
- He doesn't twice-over the girl he's talking to WHILE HE'S TALKING TO HER (I think this goes without saying. Huge turn off)
- He's confident, but not arrogant
- He can admit his fault and give a sincere apology
- He is not only willing, but also DOES the right thing at the right time
- He takes initiative
- He makes himself clear and doesn't play with women's emotions
- He respects women and cares for them with courtesy
- He respects "no" for an answer
- He makes his closest connection with God
- He has close guy friends that he doesn't forget when he has a girlfriend
- He does his best in everything, and always seeks to improve
- He is humble enough to admit when he doesn't know the answer but is also motivated enough to try to figure it out
- He is perfectly capable of washing and ironing his own clothes, and can cook well enough to stay healthy on his own
- He doesn't dress to please others, but to preserve his own dignity (including common sense) and glorify God. Women should do this too.
- He's doesn't act desperate for a girlfriend
- He's kind to children, disabled people, older people and animals
- He doesn't mindlessly destroy things
- He takes care of his belongings (which, in a way, includes his family)
There's a lot more I could say, but I think most of it would be common sense and would apply to humanity in general. A lot of those things I mentioned could be turned around and applied to girls, also.
The bottom line for me is this: Let's take our own gender into our hands and live up to all that we were created to be. This is part of real religion. Both men and women were created in the image of God, so we can both look to Him for our Example.
When guys act like real men, girls will respect them. When girls respect guys, they'll act more like men and treat the girls like ladies. It's a cycle; everyone has a part to play. Let's take the initiative to be who we were created to be and stop wandering around in the feminist, uni-sex, "tolerant" crowd.
This is part of Christianity. Stand up and be a man; be a woman. The world needs you to show Christ with your gender.
Amen! Nicely written, twin-quel ;)
ReplyDelete-twinkle ;P