How to Help a Butterfly
In two more days, I only have two full weeks of teaching left. The time really has gone by quickly, now that I look back, but it seemed so slow.
I feel as if I have changed so much that I don't even know how to write any more. I guess I've just gotten out of practice.
I used to journal constantly; almost every night, sometimes for more than ten pages at a stretch - by hand. It wasn't rich or meaningful thought, but things that I was experiencing and reflections on my issues. Needless to say, as I thought about my problems and analyzed them, I didn't really change much. I thought that I really needed to write in order to get my thoughts out and keep myself sane. It was just another coping mechanism in fact, and a harmful one.
Like taught my students today; as sure as the law of gravity is the principle that by beholding we become changed. By re-reading about my past hurts and meditating on exactly how I had been wounded and figuring out the ways my hurt was coming out in my beliefs and actions, I wasn't getting any better.
It wasn't until a friend remarked that maybe writing about my problems wasn't helping me that the idea even crossed my mind. I had been told by so many people that it was healthy to journal, to express myself, to really think through my problems and try to figure them out. But when I started thinking about it, I started to realize that my journals were basically full of the same thoughts and feelings, going around and around, year after year.
I thought I was a good writer; a deep thinker. Rather morbidly, I thought I would probably die young and misunderstood (like a tragic heroine), and people would only have my journals left to figure out the incredible internal pain I had silently endured.
Trash.
I don't remember exactly when my friend brought up the idea of not journaling, but I have noticed that my writing has dropped off dramatically, and with that drop has come a consequent change in mental outlook.
GRANTED
It has been an extremely difficult struggle at times to go against ingrained thought patterns. It hasn't been just the cessation of neurotic journaling that has helped me. It's been replacing the negativity with praise, conscious thankfulness, and choosing to act on belief in God's word. But it's not been easy, at all. The devil has tried to convince me I was going crazy, I was hopeless and my own mind was telling me I was insane to think I could be changed. Yes, the war is against spiritual powers, and also the habits of the flesh. I think I've probably driven my mom and other friends to frustration at my slow rate of change. I've asked the same questions over and over again; struggled with the same emotions. And I can honestly say that I never had a moment where I felt like God touched my mind and everything changed in an instant. I never had instant peaceful feelings when I chose to serve God wholeheartedly. But when I chose to serve Him, I chose to go beyond my feelings and habits of thought. I chose to take God at His word and believe His promises, though I could not even imagine them being fulfilled.
And slowly, my life has changed. The circumstances I thought were going to crush the life out of me were really just the casing that were protecting me and holding me in as I underwent a radical change of mind. And now I can see that while I thought I was suffocating in the dark, God had been giving me wings.
And I am learning to fly in His strength.
So now, about how to help a butterfly. You may have seen or heard about the struggle the little insect has to go through to get out of its chrysalis. You've probably been told the story of how the child tries to help the butterfly by tearing the chrysalis and freeing it. The butterfly ends up dying because the strength it needed to stretch its wings and fly could only be gained through struggling out of the chrysalis on its own.
Granted, I don't think God leaves the butterflies alone to struggle. I know He's giving them the strength to fight. But humans can't do anything to necessarily make the process go more quickly and end successfully.
There are probably a few different ways you could go with this analogy, but the point I'm thinking of is this:
Some people will go through an experience like the butterfly. Although everyone needs renewal in Jesus, not everyone has to undergo such a radical struggle to be free from their former identity as the butterfly's experience. Now, God was the one changing the caterpillar into a butterfly, but the newly born butterfly does have a mighty work to do to develop the strength and discipline it will take to live its new life.
Now let's think about some things we can do that that will not help the butterfly win:
- breaking the crysalis (trying to remove all the difficulties in a person's life)
- telling the butterfly that they are in a chrysalis (most struggling people are quite aware they are struggling)
- telling the butterfly that they have a long, hard fight ahead of them (not especially encouraging news for a person who is about ready to faint)
- talking to other people about how slow the process is going and the seeming lack of progress the butterfly is making (how is that supposed to help the person win the battle??)
- telling the butterfly exactly what moves and in what order it needs to make them in order to break free (it's easy to say that when you are not the one in the chrysalis, and often more frustrating than helpful for the one who is)
Ok, so every person is different, but those are things that in most butterfly situations are generally not helpful.
So what can you do to help a struggling person?
- Pray for them - I can't stress that enough. Prayer doesn't just give God permission to work; it also changes your own outlook on the situation.
- Offer encouragement. And I don't mean any of this, "I would encourage you to...bla blah blah" (drink more water, eat two meals a day, just read this SOP quote and you'll be all better, etc.) directives. Let God give the directions. You can help most by pointing ahead to the end result - if they don't give up, THEY WILL SOON BE A BUTTERFLY!!! They are not struggling alone!
Let them know that you are there for them, to listen, to hug, to support. The struggle is necessary to prepare them for the life they so desperately want.
Most importantly:
- Get them connected to Jesus. No one can break free of the chrysalis without Him. No one has the strength in themselves, and remember - you can't set them free either. It has to be Jesus, or there is no victory. With Him, victory is certain, no matter how long or fierce the battles fought.
If you do not have the patience or strength to be supportive and truly encouraging, you can also help by just being quiet, watching and praying. Not talking about them and their failures, not magnifying their issues. Just watching and praying.
Think about it. Maybe there are some people we could afford to give more grace to. Maybe we need to take another look at how we handle out own issues.
We are all in this life together. Let's help each other learn to fly.
I feel as if I have changed so much that I don't even know how to write any more. I guess I've just gotten out of practice.
I used to journal constantly; almost every night, sometimes for more than ten pages at a stretch - by hand. It wasn't rich or meaningful thought, but things that I was experiencing and reflections on my issues. Needless to say, as I thought about my problems and analyzed them, I didn't really change much. I thought that I really needed to write in order to get my thoughts out and keep myself sane. It was just another coping mechanism in fact, and a harmful one.
Like taught my students today; as sure as the law of gravity is the principle that by beholding we become changed. By re-reading about my past hurts and meditating on exactly how I had been wounded and figuring out the ways my hurt was coming out in my beliefs and actions, I wasn't getting any better.
It wasn't until a friend remarked that maybe writing about my problems wasn't helping me that the idea even crossed my mind. I had been told by so many people that it was healthy to journal, to express myself, to really think through my problems and try to figure them out. But when I started thinking about it, I started to realize that my journals were basically full of the same thoughts and feelings, going around and around, year after year.
I thought I was a good writer; a deep thinker. Rather morbidly, I thought I would probably die young and misunderstood (like a tragic heroine), and people would only have my journals left to figure out the incredible internal pain I had silently endured.
Trash.
I don't remember exactly when my friend brought up the idea of not journaling, but I have noticed that my writing has dropped off dramatically, and with that drop has come a consequent change in mental outlook.
GRANTED
It has been an extremely difficult struggle at times to go against ingrained thought patterns. It hasn't been just the cessation of neurotic journaling that has helped me. It's been replacing the negativity with praise, conscious thankfulness, and choosing to act on belief in God's word. But it's not been easy, at all. The devil has tried to convince me I was going crazy, I was hopeless and my own mind was telling me I was insane to think I could be changed. Yes, the war is against spiritual powers, and also the habits of the flesh. I think I've probably driven my mom and other friends to frustration at my slow rate of change. I've asked the same questions over and over again; struggled with the same emotions. And I can honestly say that I never had a moment where I felt like God touched my mind and everything changed in an instant. I never had instant peaceful feelings when I chose to serve God wholeheartedly. But when I chose to serve Him, I chose to go beyond my feelings and habits of thought. I chose to take God at His word and believe His promises, though I could not even imagine them being fulfilled.
And slowly, my life has changed. The circumstances I thought were going to crush the life out of me were really just the casing that were protecting me and holding me in as I underwent a radical change of mind. And now I can see that while I thought I was suffocating in the dark, God had been giving me wings.
And I am learning to fly in His strength.
So now, about how to help a butterfly. You may have seen or heard about the struggle the little insect has to go through to get out of its chrysalis. You've probably been told the story of how the child tries to help the butterfly by tearing the chrysalis and freeing it. The butterfly ends up dying because the strength it needed to stretch its wings and fly could only be gained through struggling out of the chrysalis on its own.
Granted, I don't think God leaves the butterflies alone to struggle. I know He's giving them the strength to fight. But humans can't do anything to necessarily make the process go more quickly and end successfully.
There are probably a few different ways you could go with this analogy, but the point I'm thinking of is this:
Some people will go through an experience like the butterfly. Although everyone needs renewal in Jesus, not everyone has to undergo such a radical struggle to be free from their former identity as the butterfly's experience. Now, God was the one changing the caterpillar into a butterfly, but the newly born butterfly does have a mighty work to do to develop the strength and discipline it will take to live its new life.
Now let's think about some things we can do that that will not help the butterfly win:
- breaking the crysalis (trying to remove all the difficulties in a person's life)
- telling the butterfly that they are in a chrysalis (most struggling people are quite aware they are struggling)
- telling the butterfly that they have a long, hard fight ahead of them (not especially encouraging news for a person who is about ready to faint)
- talking to other people about how slow the process is going and the seeming lack of progress the butterfly is making (how is that supposed to help the person win the battle??)
- telling the butterfly exactly what moves and in what order it needs to make them in order to break free (it's easy to say that when you are not the one in the chrysalis, and often more frustrating than helpful for the one who is)
Ok, so every person is different, but those are things that in most butterfly situations are generally not helpful.
So what can you do to help a struggling person?
- Pray for them - I can't stress that enough. Prayer doesn't just give God permission to work; it also changes your own outlook on the situation.
- Offer encouragement. And I don't mean any of this, "I would encourage you to...bla blah blah" (drink more water, eat two meals a day, just read this SOP quote and you'll be all better, etc.) directives. Let God give the directions. You can help most by pointing ahead to the end result - if they don't give up, THEY WILL SOON BE A BUTTERFLY!!! They are not struggling alone!
Let them know that you are there for them, to listen, to hug, to support. The struggle is necessary to prepare them for the life they so desperately want.
Most importantly:
- Get them connected to Jesus. No one can break free of the chrysalis without Him. No one has the strength in themselves, and remember - you can't set them free either. It has to be Jesus, or there is no victory. With Him, victory is certain, no matter how long or fierce the battles fought.
If you do not have the patience or strength to be supportive and truly encouraging, you can also help by just being quiet, watching and praying. Not talking about them and their failures, not magnifying their issues. Just watching and praying.
Think about it. Maybe there are some people we could afford to give more grace to. Maybe we need to take another look at how we handle out own issues.
We are all in this life together. Let's help each other learn to fly.
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