Warrior Thoughts

God commands the light to shine out of darkness

I'm sitting here in front of my computer, my head full of thoughts. A short time ago, the tone of my thoughts was primarily pleasant and calm; now a strong breeze is blowing, and stirring the placid surface into turbulence again. My heart sinks a little; when will these storms be past? When will I be continually at rest?

It seems like all it takes is a tiny little thing; a word misplaced...a look from someone else...a faint memory...and it all comes back again.

And I wonder if I have made any progress at all.

But then I recall that these are not my own thoughts. They have been subtly placed in my mind by the enemy. And I have a choice whether or not to allow myself to focus on them. I can resist.
I'm not doomed to continue the old patterns of thought, of overthinking, of imagining things that are not real.

The only method that has given me any measure of lasting success in the battle against a diseased imagination is looking to Jesus through focusing on His character and His promises and His ability to save. If anything else could work, I would have proven that already.

I have longed for peace and emotional rest and the feeling of security so intensely and for so long that it's driven me to despair. I've tried my hardest to obtain these gifts; I've been as spiritual as possible, prayed the prayers, surrendered multiple times, memorized Scripture, tried to find a mentor to no avail, given up on God completely and about given myself up to the imagination of insanity.

Which way is up? I've wondered repeatedly. Who is right? What is truth? Whose interpretation is correct? What are the most essential things God expects me to know?
Why am I still not finding peace? How long is this process going to take, and am I even on the right track? Is something dreadfully wrong? Am I totally deceived about everything I thought I knew?  

 When even the spiritual tactics I'm using don't seem to give me what I want, it seems illogical for me to keep trying. The devil whispers lies in my ear, using my own voice. He reminds me of what others have asked, insinuated, accused me of. He tempts me to ponder the words of the ones who tell me I'm not progressing; I'm still stuck; I'm not going to break free.

And then, amidst the clamor of words in my mind, a small voice breathes,

In the multitude of my thoughts within me, Your comforts delight my soul...

When I said, "My foot is slipping," Your mercy held me up. 

Psalm 94

And though I am keenly aware that I am not holy or perfect or acceptable in the eyes of many people, I am loved and protected by God Himself. Thought I am totally unworthy of grace, He offers me His forgiveness and power to overcome. My spiritual methods of finding peace are doomed to failure, because peace is only given as a free gift in exchange for complete surrender and the choice to trust despite my feelings. 

And even though I'm not a completely stable person yet, Jesus is not giving up on me. Though I am full of questions, His Spirit has not turned away in annoyance.

His patience knows no defeat.  

Now for those who have been harassing me, whether spiritual or human:

You can remind me of my faults all day long; you can oppress me until the joy and color are stripped from my life; you can treat me with ignorant prejudice; you can tell me I'm lost and I might as well give myself up to self - but I will continue to hope in God. 

I will not be destroyed, for I am hidden in the embrace of One Who cannot be overcome. 

So go ahead, point out my faults, tell me I still have a lot of work to do. I know it's true. 

I'm very aware of my problems, but I will not consent to let criticism take my eyes from the only One who can help me. The condemnation and "helpful criticism" will only push me to look up towards my Savior. Thank you for your support in my journey. I'm not sure what kind of impact you were intending to make, but Jesus can work out anything for good.

God will lighten my darkness. He will not give up on me. He will heal the wounds I've inflicted on my self. He will straighten my path and put my thoughts on solid and stable ground. He gives me the security and safety from evil that I long for.  

This is reality; not my feelings and wicked imaginations. I'm not at all lost, since I am trusting in Jesus to help me; my feelings cannot override the truth.

No matter your circumstances; the situations that oppress, the difficulties that seem insurmountable; Jesus is here with you, to save you. Only lift up your eyes and look to Him. When others tell you that you are a sinner and remind you of your faults, take your need to Him. It's OK to be needy when you come to Jesus. You don't need to pretend to have everything together around Him.

God is not a man; He will not treat you as others do. He is full of compassion and understanding. He will not condemn you for your short-comings or even for your habitual sins. He will rescue you from the bonds of evil that have enslaved you and transform you into a mirror of Himself. Only come to Him. Don't let the words of the enemy or other people turn you away from your Savior. His arms are still open to you; no matter what mess you're in. 

Let's thank God for the awareness of our sins, look to Him for salvation, and treat each other with the grace we are each thirsting for.